Your struggle.

Source: wikiHow

I tend to feel certain things. See through certain things. And I can see through the hovering haze you surround yourself with. You say you're a different person now that you made yourself go through a complete transformation. But we never really lose our core, do we? It's always there. Always the artifact we revolve around. Always the sun to our earth. 

And no matter how much we convince ourselves that we've changed over the years, how we've lost the person we used to be, the change is only on the surface. Only on the outside. The part that the world sees. The change is merely a guarded response to the heart-breaking stimulus. And that is something very visible in you, you know. You try way too hard to be someone else. You seem to be struggling within and always thinking. Always a little distracted. You try too hard, I tell you. And that almost breaks my heart.  

That day, when you were talking about yourself that there are things you don't think about, things nobody knows, things that you want no one to know, it was then that you seemed your true self. It felt like you've been waiting a while to tell someone that there's more to you than what meets the eye.  You were eager and you talked with excitement that comes from being and accepting who you are. That excitement is the spark you need to hold onto. Don’t lose yourself in the walls you’re building around yourself. Don’t lose yourself in the fortress without an entrance.

But people, they suffocate and smother you. They target you. They hit where they know it hurts you. Don’t let them take control of who you are, of who you want to be, of who you aspire to be. Don’t choose to be someone else altogether because they don’t know how to treat you. The world does not know how to appreciate when you're not like everyone else. Don't let that turn you into everyone else.

Them, and You.

Deprivation causes crime. Deprivation causes havoc. It causes disasters within you, and without you. How do you live with the demons inside your miserable mind? How do you fight your battles when the whole world seems against you? Your thoughts pull at you, grasp you with humiliation. Your thoughts, they never abandon you. You think you’re unsolicited, unwanted. You’re dejected and flawed. Oh honey, you’re not flawed. The society is. All they want is to make you pretend you’re one of them. They don't even care whether your heart belongs with them or not.  Because all of them, they’re pretending too.

They don’t care if you have big dreams. What are dreams anyway? Fragments of unreal cessation of reality. Who needs that when you've got  a game plan set in stone by the people who don’t know you. And I say that with absolute mock criticism. *winks with finger guns*

And that lot over there with their judgemental ideas and their cunning, disapproving looks, allow me to tell you how they feel as I type these very words. "Oh look at her with her outrageous and her criminal actions to set us astray from the ideals of our ancestors." Add in a haw-haye in there too if you may.

I feel sad and disappointed. What we, collectively as a society, have become is not something I would want to appreciate. The stimulus for this sort of behaviour being a number of things from the crappy Indian television shows to the misinterpretation of our own values through the generations.

We have become a bunch of haves and have-nots. And don't you think we are capable of something more than just that?

And they wish to deprive of your desires, not because they’re wrong but because they've been deprived of their own by people who are just like them. If only you knew how beautiful the inside of your mind is, how uncontaminated your heart is. You’d see then that the world is a better place because you’re here.

John Green — “You say you're not special because the world doesn't know about you, but that's an insult to me. I know about you.”