The truth about the truth.

Hiding behind walls is so much easier than facing challenges. We live a life so protected that we miss out on so much that is raw and real. We end up doing to ourselves exactly what we’re protecting ourselves from. We end up hurting ourselves by denying the things our hearts want. Though giving it what it wants would be naive. The question that arises is: do we let others hurt us, or should we be the ones causing ourselves heartaches? The latter is what most of us choose. The latter is what I've chosen. You, being in your own shoes, know exactly what you did and what you’re going to do, and you rationalise the consequences for it. And why can’t be rationalise the hurt someone has caused us? We’re not in their mind. We don’t know just how malicious and cunning they can be. We love  being the victim, don’t we? I will not you claim to know the truth, simply because I do not. I do not know why people go to war or how did Boo Radley know Bob Ewell was trying to kill Scout and Jem (Ref: To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee). Because someone I met quite recently said that truth is just a perception. Truth is what you believe to be true. It is reality, it is fantasy, and it is neither. You will rationalise anything that you want the truth to be. If I believe unicorns exist, then that’s my truth. That is how we live. That’s how we build our realities. But if my perception could be wrong and why should anyone else have to put up with the consequences of my erroneous observations?

It only has to seem right to me for me to believe it, and then for me to convince you of it. Nothing is permanent and truth is no exception. The truth changes as we change. Sometimes it’s bitter, other times it’s not as much bitter, but mostly it’s deciding between whether to drown or stay afloat (it doesn’t matter if you’re telling the truth or hearing the truth).

(I'm trying to make a point here.)

People will be truthful and they will also lie and manipulate. And there is no way of controlling any of it. So stop whatever you’re doing and figure out your truth.

The Reality Inside Her

How did I get here? The question we all ask ourselves. How did we get here, how did we become who are right now, this moment? And how what we used to be only a year ago feels like a distant past. People change. And she changed. She could’ve told them how she couldn’t imagine her life without them by her side, but all she can feel is a lump in her throat. The feeling that she would only embarrass herself, that they would only laugh it off what she spent weeks thinking about, that what good is it to remind them that your guard is down.

When they misused, twisted, chewed and then threw her words in her face, they didn't know how impeccably disastrous it would be. She’s not insecure anymore, not uncertain. She’s only been hurt. Hurt enough to stop telling people she loves them and what they mean to her. Hurt enough to presume she doesn't matter anymore, even if she did. Hurt enough to start believe her words don’t mean much, if they meant anything at all.  

She thinks that they probably knew. They probably knew that she’s suffering. But do they, really? Is it that easy to throw people off? To make them think so contrary to the reality that only exists inside you? Is it really that easy to forge one’s bearing that even the closest of all fall for it? They did fall for it and it makes her feel a strange kind of sadness. But yet, she laughs it off. 

People around you need reassurance that they’re still wanted, and loved, and that you think them alive in the hours of death. They need to be reminded what they still mean to you or they’d have no reason to not start think otherwise. But when you mean equally to them, when they know you, wouldn’t they know this?

Don’t you know this.

Fast Forward Life?

How many time have we wished we could fast forward life, skip the hard part so you don’t have to go through the pain? How many times do we think no one cares for us? How many times do we think that there’s no one to catch us when we fall? The truth is, most of the time, the answer is always negative. And it just kills you to think why. But you have to get on with it. There is no other option. You can not switch off your feelings and just get over the hurt.

You’re not really as much important for somebody as much as they say you are. And never believe they won’t hurt you, because words and actions are the two completely different things. They will hurt you and they will carve your heart on the wall. It’s easier to say that the cow jumped over the moon than to actually prove it.

    

In our lives, we will get back stabbed, be lied to, forgotten, not be forgiven for unintentional mistakes, we will be at times forced to take the blame for something we could never do. You will see sides of people you never thought you would. People will do things that will shake you up. But you know what, you gotta stay strong! Life is one heck of a journey.

With all this, we have to stay firm and believe in ourselves and that also is easier said than done! It’s quite hard to look over all the miseries and get the best of yourself. What you can do is, be at your own beck and call. How many time have you wished you could fast forward life?

Transformation

It’s ironic when two lives cross each other and things change. Out of nowhere, their lives collide like a mere coincidence. But nothing is a coincidence. It’s always meant to be. Things happen precipitously. So sudden that it takes a while to grasp it. To realize that it has happened, that things will be different from now on.

I was never used to change. I never liked how things just change to something else. And you watch it all happen it front of you but can’t stop it. You don’t even know it's happening when it’s happening. I hated how unaware one is while transition. Because the process is so slow that you barely notice it. You barely notice your life is being transformed into another. It used to take such long time for me to grab hold of the thought that it’s not the same anymore. That life is on another pathway now; things are going to be different now. I never accepted a change. I was fixated in wanting to have things going the way they’re going, and that was alright till the end of the world. And yet, I craved for new things when I got bored. Life is never easy with me, transforming or not.

Losing a friend could be as hurtful as it is. It’s a change one eventually gets used to though it took me a while, a long while. But finding love is the change that changes everything else. Looking back, when you see life from the beginning, you realize you’ve completely revolutionized as a person. And its not so bad.

Change is always good – that’s what I’ve always heard people say. But from what I know, most of the time, it’s not. Most of the time, it’s wrecking one’s life. Or maybe I just dramatize every single thing that happens to me.

Changes don't change back.

Changes don’t change back no matter what you do. No matter how “okay” you are with whatever has happened, no matter the number of times you’ve tried to convince people that it does not mean anything to you anymore. And no matter how many times you’ve told yourself you’re done with it but you’re not. You can not pass an order. Feelings and emotions and hurt don’t go away like that. You’re gonna want it back at some point, very soon or too after. You’re gonna want it so bad that it gets so much harder to even face it. You become so weak that it literally hurts when you think or hear or just come across about anything that happened and changed everything.

What’s done can not be undone. Once said, it can not be unsaid. Why not? The things that hurt the most are the things that can not be undone. Well, why not? Why can't we go back to how things used to be, how everything used to be. It could've been a blessing. You even learn to let go, but then at certain times and certain situations, it becomes something impossible for you to do or to stick with it.

How do we accept all these things that happen? Who can we blame? And for what part of the situation we cry about. Sometimes all you need is.... No, we all need different things in the same situation because all of us, we're different from each other. But we pray and know the same, changes don't change back. And all you can do is wish.

Figure it out!

Over this summer, I realised that you can't really walk out on people no matter what you do. You will always come across them, you might even just go back to them. You just can not block them out of your life. You can block anyone using your "Security" and "Privacy"  settings on your Facebook or mail account but that isn't possible is real life. They might just come across in a mall or a street or anywhere possible. There's no "block" button to click and ignore them right there. You will see them sooner or later. Usually it tends to be sooner than later.

Its very hard to just cope up with someone you don't like or just don't get along with, you're just annoyed for no particular reason. You can not walk out on people. You can not leave them and just disappear somewhere. Although one does wish that was possible at certain occasions when you can't take it more, when its been so long that you've had your say, when you've been just you and no one else.

There always is that certain time in your life that you need to be alone. Just very alone. No social networking websites, no texts or calls and barely any friends; or whom I would like to call "acquaintances". You got to figure out life and you can not do that with everyone. You have to figure out aims and purposes, family, friendships, people, love and set them in order. Saying everything, when you've never said anything. Sometime you just need to take a stand and let others know what you want, what you think; because if you wouldn't, who would?

Changes happen.

It's amazing how a person can go through such an immense transformation. It's like reincarnating within yourself. There are so many changes a person can go through. It's uncountable and untraceable. Day by day it seems nothing is changing and probably most things won't, but when you look back after a while, you realise all the things and people that have changed. Slowly. Without you noticing. The process is so slow that you can merely see it happen when its happening. It's bitter-sweet. A lot more bitter than sweet. Every other person says change is good. I say change is good. I often wonder how it is so. No one ever seems to like the change whether it'd be of any kind. You just learn to live with it. And get used to it eventually. That's human nature, the tendency of persuasion, and proneness. But anything you get used to doesn't portray its goodness or likeability. Its just a matter of time that takes one to realise and get on with the changes.

The changes you decide are the hard ones. The changes someone decides are the hardest ones. You can go back and change you mind but you can't go back and change someone else's mind. It's not easy for me to know that the change someone else decides for themselves changes you completely. It's when a final blow finally hits you and you just stand there watching it all happen so suddenly or too slowly. Either way, there's nothing you can do about it. And it's sad because you never chose it to happen to you. And then there comes a time when you realise it won't be the same today as it was yesterday, it will never be the same tomorrow as it is today.

“Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.” - Winston Churchill