Anything But Different

I’ve known you for 3 years and I always thought we were anything but similar. Of all the time I spent with you and all the secrets we shared, all I could encapsulate was that we were two different people from two completely different worlds that could never become one. I could never imagine stepping into yours and you probably didn’t want to step into mine.

I was always unsure if you even liked me. And I felt like you didn’t know how much I adored you.  Contemplating my words before, to make sure you understood exactly what I meant and I always ended up feeling the opposite.

And now that I see you go through the same things I’d just happen to overcome, I can’t help but feel I’m looking at my reflection in the water. The reflection went through the same experiences I had to go through. It has my blurry outlines, but it’s still me. 

And right now, I’m struggling to make you feel better if I can. Tell you the same things you told me that Friday afternoon. I don’t know if you believe me when I tell you that I have felt exactly the same, or I’ve cried for the same reasons, but it’s really true. I don’t blame you if you tell me it’s not the same.  Our wounds might be different, but they’ll leave the same scar. All I’m trying to tell you that I’ve been there where you are now; just to make you realize that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to feel completely shattered, it’s okay to yearn for somebody who has, now, become so alienated. 

I thought we’d always be two different people in our two completely different worlds that could never become one. But now we seem to be in the same world, rather we seem to be the same person.  Maybe we’ve always been the same but we were too occupied to notice our similarities. And now 3 years later that I’ve known you, I know now that we’re anything but different.

You're beautiful.

Seasons change, people change. Things fall apart, and then they fall together. Things And we should move on because there are so may wonderful yet bitter-sweet yet amazing things out there, waiting to happen to you. Life has its lemons to throw at you, its upto you to take and squeeze 'em or get hit by 'em.happen. 

But you know what, there are so many things that you will do. So many achievements to earn, so many opportunities to hold, so many wonders to create, so many lives to inspire, so many hearts to capture. Never let yourself down and I will never let you hit the ground. You're meant to be taken care of because you are that special. You're strong and I know that, I've seen that. You're impeccable in what you are. You're flawless, there's nothing anyone would ever want to change about to you. You're deep and rooted and just unbelievably unexplainable.

November 2, 2011.

You are one of the very few people I solely love. And its impossible for me to explain how much. And how easy and simple you make it for anyone to love you. I love listening to you, knowing that you have things to tell me. I love doing things for you. And as cheesy as it sounds, I don't care because you're my best friend, my sister and I love you for everything that you are. You're amazing. I just wanna let you know that you're beautiful in your own.

You.

Life has so much to give; the good and the bad, the reckless and the profound. Life gives from one hand and takes from the other. Too often we don’t see what we get; too often we only see what we lose. They say, when something is taken away from you, you’re meant to incur something better. And good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Better things do fall together.

I haven't known you for a long time. But if this falls apart, nothing better will fall together because there won’t be anything better than this. I haven’t known you for a long time. I haven’t known you for a long enough time to even realize you could mean so much to me, but you do. To even believe, for me, when all of this happened so soon, so suddenly, in such a spur of a moment that it was impossible to even think of holding back. Because there was no holding back with you. So my world, my worthless, empty, dark world commenced to revolve around you.

I was never so careful with people. I was never this doubtful until some things happened. But you, you changed everything. Silence was the only sound I wanted to hear, but then you came around. As sudden as it was, I am still amazed. You went first with everything. If it was upto me, I wouldn't have come out of my closure. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have you.

I miss you, buddy.

How do you tell someone you miss them? It has always been the hardest thing for me, the hardest ever. It takes every ounce of caurage for me to say the words. How do you say sorry and have them know that you really, truly mean it?  How do you know that they really know what you're trying to say, and what you're saying is right?  A broken friendship is hard to deal with, because you don't have anyone to go when things with your best friend go wrong. You no more have that safe hide out place. You no more have that one person you can complain about your day, and tell funny stories to, and say whatever and act completely insane with. Once you've had it, and then when you no longer have it, its something so devastating that can not be descibed in words. One must experience it to understand the feeling of complete recklessness.

I may seem okay, but all I can ever think about is that one person that I'm no longer close to and its been so complicated  and its been so long that I can barely remember what exactly went wrong and where.  All I know is that all I want now is just to have that person back, and everything like the way it used to be before. But nothing ever goes back to as it was before.

And if that person is reading this right now, and if you know this about you,and you would, because its that obvious. I just want to tell you that I miss you; and I never said this to you because I couln't gather enough courage to even say that. And I know that you know this is for you, because it is that obvious. I miss you, buddy.