Your struggle.

Source: wikiHow

I tend to feel certain things. See through certain things. And I can see through the hovering haze you surround yourself with. You say you're a different person now that you made yourself go through a complete transformation. But we never really lose our core, do we? It's always there. Always the artifact we revolve around. Always the sun to our earth. 

And no matter how much we convince ourselves that we've changed over the years, how we've lost the person we used to be, the change is only on the surface. Only on the outside. The part that the world sees. The change is merely a guarded response to the heart-breaking stimulus. And that is something very visible in you, you know. You try way too hard to be someone else. You seem to be struggling within and always thinking. Always a little distracted. You try too hard, I tell you. And that almost breaks my heart.  

That day, when you were talking about yourself that there are things you don't think about, things nobody knows, things that you want no one to know, it was then that you seemed your true self. It felt like you've been waiting a while to tell someone that there's more to you than what meets the eye.  You were eager and you talked with excitement that comes from being and accepting who you are. That excitement is the spark you need to hold onto. Don’t lose yourself in the walls you’re building around yourself. Don’t lose yourself in the fortress without an entrance.

But people, they suffocate and smother you. They target you. They hit where they know it hurts you. Don’t let them take control of who you are, of who you want to be, of who you aspire to be. Don’t choose to be someone else altogether because they don’t know how to treat you. The world does not know how to appreciate when you're not like everyone else. Don't let that turn you into everyone else.

Reality

We all need a prescription of a fairy-tale once in a while. We all need to believe that there exists something magical in our reality. That is, if reality exists without our mind to create it. But it doesn't  Reality is what we perceive of our surroundings. It is when we give meanings to things that haven’t even happened yet.

It is a blessing to have a tight grip on reality, but sometimes, you need a break from reality. You want to believe in the magical love that sweeps you off your feet and makes you fall head over heels for that special person. To be able to feel that rush, that tingly feeling in your toes and your hands, and feeling butterflies in your stomach. And your name sounds different when they say it. It sounds like the delicacy of a child, the breaking waves of an ocean.

How sad it is to listen to breakup songs before a year it might happen? How could that love not be more bitter than sweet? Or maybe it just isn't love at all. Maybe it’s just something we think we need, something that makes us feel we've let go of the past, something that replaces the thoughts we don’t want to think. Life isn't magical; love may or may not exist. If it does exist, it may never make you feel complete. And if it doesn't exist, there won’t be any questions to ask, no answers to give, no complications to solve, no confusions to  clarify, no hope and no expectations to be let down.

But how do we live without expecting the better outcome? It’s scary to not know what’s coming towards us, or what we’re going forward to is unknown, but what drives us crazy is to know that there will be no better outcome. How do you live with that? How can you not want to give up? When you think of giving up, I hope you think that you don’t really know what will the end be, or even if you’ll live to see it. This is where I tell myself to just live right now, in the present and not connect my future with my past and my past with my future, because I’m not the one to give the verdict of my own life.

Stay strong, be inspired!

I see you. I see you fighting against it all. I can't even imagine how hard it must be, how hard it could be for you to deal through it all, every single day for the last few years. You don't know that I know, but I hope you realize that you have something special about you. Something so amazing that simple words can not describe it, not the words that I know of. You're still so young, and you were even younger when all this started and I still can't imagine how you've been making it through. I couldn't even imagine to put myself in your shoes and be half as strong as you are, or be as hopeful as you are. You've got this thing in you, that just shines through you. Light the world as you go along, because you could inspire the ones around you. Because you can teach them to be strong. Because they can turn their lives around by looking up to you. Because you've inspired me, because you've taught me to be stronger than I ever could be, and do by my such tiny, little so-called problems.

You try so hard to keep yourself distracted, and you don't let it show. But I can see you hurting and I pretend along that there's nothing wrong, like you do. Your laugh seems to counterfeited. Its never easy when your life's ripped apart, is it? But you seem to be holding it all together well enough, not that it doesn't hurt. I bet it does, a lot. But you're strong. And you're going to get everything you deserve. Stay hopeful. Stay Strong. Stay yourself. Because there's nothing you could ever be better at than being yourself. You may not know that I know any of this, but I just couldn't imagine being you, I just couldn't imagine being strong enough.

Don’t you give up hope, its all that I pray for.