Anything But Different

I’ve known you for 3 years and I always thought we were anything but similar. Of all the time I spent with you and all the secrets we shared, all I could encapsulate was that we were two different people from two completely different worlds that could never become one. I could never imagine stepping into yours and you probably didn’t want to step into mine.

I was always unsure if you even liked me. And I felt like you didn’t know how much I adored you.  Contemplating my words before, to make sure you understood exactly what I meant and I always ended up feeling the opposite.

And now that I see you go through the same things I’d just happen to overcome, I can’t help but feel I’m looking at my reflection in the water. The reflection went through the same experiences I had to go through. It has my blurry outlines, but it’s still me. 

And right now, I’m struggling to make you feel better if I can. Tell you the same things you told me that Friday afternoon. I don’t know if you believe me when I tell you that I have felt exactly the same, or I’ve cried for the same reasons, but it’s really true. I don’t blame you if you tell me it’s not the same.  Our wounds might be different, but they’ll leave the same scar. All I’m trying to tell you that I’ve been there where you are now; just to make you realize that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to feel completely shattered, it’s okay to yearn for somebody who has, now, become so alienated. 

I thought we’d always be two different people in our two completely different worlds that could never become one. But now we seem to be in the same world, rather we seem to be the same person.  Maybe we’ve always been the same but we were too occupied to notice our similarities. And now 3 years later that I’ve known you, I know now that we’re anything but different.

Transformation

It’s ironic when two lives cross each other and things change. Out of nowhere, their lives collide like a mere coincidence. But nothing is a coincidence. It’s always meant to be. Things happen precipitously. So sudden that it takes a while to grasp it. To realize that it has happened, that things will be different from now on.

I was never used to change. I never liked how things just change to something else. And you watch it all happen it front of you but can’t stop it. You don’t even know it's happening when it’s happening. I hated how unaware one is while transition. Because the process is so slow that you barely notice it. You barely notice your life is being transformed into another. It used to take such long time for me to grab hold of the thought that it’s not the same anymore. That life is on another pathway now; things are going to be different now. I never accepted a change. I was fixated in wanting to have things going the way they’re going, and that was alright till the end of the world. And yet, I craved for new things when I got bored. Life is never easy with me, transforming or not.

Losing a friend could be as hurtful as it is. It’s a change one eventually gets used to though it took me a while, a long while. But finding love is the change that changes everything else. Looking back, when you see life from the beginning, you realize you’ve completely revolutionized as a person. And its not so bad.

Change is always good – that’s what I’ve always heard people say. But from what I know, most of the time, it’s not. Most of the time, it’s wrecking one’s life. Or maybe I just dramatize every single thing that happens to me.