The truth about the truth.

Hiding behind walls is so much easier than facing challenges. We live a life so protected that we miss out on so much that is raw and real. We end up doing to ourselves exactly what we’re protecting ourselves from. We end up hurting ourselves by denying the things our hearts want. Though giving it what it wants would be naive. The question that arises is: do we let others hurt us, or should we be the ones causing ourselves heartaches? The latter is what most of us choose. The latter is what I've chosen. You, being in your own shoes, know exactly what you did and what you’re going to do, and you rationalise the consequences for it. And why can’t be rationalise the hurt someone has caused us? We’re not in their mind. We don’t know just how malicious and cunning they can be. We love  being the victim, don’t we? I will not you claim to know the truth, simply because I do not. I do not know why people go to war or how did Boo Radley know Bob Ewell was trying to kill Scout and Jem (Ref: To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee). Because someone I met quite recently said that truth is just a perception. Truth is what you believe to be true. It is reality, it is fantasy, and it is neither. You will rationalise anything that you want the truth to be. If I believe unicorns exist, then that’s my truth. That is how we live. That’s how we build our realities. But if my perception could be wrong and why should anyone else have to put up with the consequences of my erroneous observations?

It only has to seem right to me for me to believe it, and then for me to convince you of it. Nothing is permanent and truth is no exception. The truth changes as we change. Sometimes it’s bitter, other times it’s not as much bitter, but mostly it’s deciding between whether to drown or stay afloat (it doesn’t matter if you’re telling the truth or hearing the truth).

(I'm trying to make a point here.)

People will be truthful and they will also lie and manipulate. And there is no way of controlling any of it. So stop whatever you’re doing and figure out your truth.

Them, and You.

Deprivation causes crime. Deprivation causes havoc. It causes disasters within you, and without you. How do you live with the demons inside your miserable mind? How do you fight your battles when the whole world seems against you? Your thoughts pull at you, grasp you with humiliation. Your thoughts, they never abandon you. You think you’re unsolicited, unwanted. You’re dejected and flawed. Oh honey, you’re not flawed. The society is. All they want is to make you pretend you’re one of them. They don't even care whether your heart belongs with them or not.  Because all of them, they’re pretending too.

They don’t care if you have big dreams. What are dreams anyway? Fragments of unreal cessation of reality. Who needs that when you've got  a game plan set in stone by the people who don’t know you. And I say that with absolute mock criticism. *winks with finger guns*

And that lot over there with their judgemental ideas and their cunning, disapproving looks, allow me to tell you how they feel as I type these very words. "Oh look at her with her outrageous and her criminal actions to set us astray from the ideals of our ancestors." Add in a haw-haye in there too if you may.

I feel sad and disappointed. What we, collectively as a society, have become is not something I would want to appreciate. The stimulus for this sort of behaviour being a number of things from the crappy Indian television shows to the misinterpretation of our own values through the generations.

We have become a bunch of haves and have-nots. And don't you think we are capable of something more than just that?

And they wish to deprive of your desires, not because they’re wrong but because they've been deprived of their own by people who are just like them. If only you knew how beautiful the inside of your mind is, how uncontaminated your heart is. You’d see then that the world is a better place because you’re here.

John Green — “You say you're not special because the world doesn't know about you, but that's an insult to me. I know about you.”

Reality

We all need a prescription of a fairy-tale once in a while. We all need to believe that there exists something magical in our reality. That is, if reality exists without our mind to create it. But it doesn't  Reality is what we perceive of our surroundings. It is when we give meanings to things that haven’t even happened yet.

It is a blessing to have a tight grip on reality, but sometimes, you need a break from reality. You want to believe in the magical love that sweeps you off your feet and makes you fall head over heels for that special person. To be able to feel that rush, that tingly feeling in your toes and your hands, and feeling butterflies in your stomach. And your name sounds different when they say it. It sounds like the delicacy of a child, the breaking waves of an ocean.

How sad it is to listen to breakup songs before a year it might happen? How could that love not be more bitter than sweet? Or maybe it just isn't love at all. Maybe it’s just something we think we need, something that makes us feel we've let go of the past, something that replaces the thoughts we don’t want to think. Life isn't magical; love may or may not exist. If it does exist, it may never make you feel complete. And if it doesn't exist, there won’t be any questions to ask, no answers to give, no complications to solve, no confusions to  clarify, no hope and no expectations to be let down.

But how do we live without expecting the better outcome? It’s scary to not know what’s coming towards us, or what we’re going forward to is unknown, but what drives us crazy is to know that there will be no better outcome. How do you live with that? How can you not want to give up? When you think of giving up, I hope you think that you don’t really know what will the end be, or even if you’ll live to see it. This is where I tell myself to just live right now, in the present and not connect my future with my past and my past with my future, because I’m not the one to give the verdict of my own life.

Transformation

It’s ironic when two lives cross each other and things change. Out of nowhere, their lives collide like a mere coincidence. But nothing is a coincidence. It’s always meant to be. Things happen precipitously. So sudden that it takes a while to grasp it. To realize that it has happened, that things will be different from now on.

I was never used to change. I never liked how things just change to something else. And you watch it all happen it front of you but can’t stop it. You don’t even know it's happening when it’s happening. I hated how unaware one is while transition. Because the process is so slow that you barely notice it. You barely notice your life is being transformed into another. It used to take such long time for me to grab hold of the thought that it’s not the same anymore. That life is on another pathway now; things are going to be different now. I never accepted a change. I was fixated in wanting to have things going the way they’re going, and that was alright till the end of the world. And yet, I craved for new things when I got bored. Life is never easy with me, transforming or not.

Losing a friend could be as hurtful as it is. It’s a change one eventually gets used to though it took me a while, a long while. But finding love is the change that changes everything else. Looking back, when you see life from the beginning, you realize you’ve completely revolutionized as a person. And its not so bad.

Change is always good – that’s what I’ve always heard people say. But from what I know, most of the time, it’s not. Most of the time, it’s wrecking one’s life. Or maybe I just dramatize every single thing that happens to me.