You.

Life has so much to give; the good and the bad, the reckless and the profound. Life gives from one hand and takes from the other. Too often we don’t see what we get; too often we only see what we lose. They say, when something is taken away from you, you’re meant to incur something better. And good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Better things do fall together.

I haven't known you for a long time. But if this falls apart, nothing better will fall together because there won’t be anything better than this. I haven’t known you for a long time. I haven’t known you for a long enough time to even realize you could mean so much to me, but you do. To even believe, for me, when all of this happened so soon, so suddenly, in such a spur of a moment that it was impossible to even think of holding back. Because there was no holding back with you. So my world, my worthless, empty, dark world commenced to revolve around you.

I was never so careful with people. I was never this doubtful until some things happened. But you, you changed everything. Silence was the only sound I wanted to hear, but then you came around. As sudden as it was, I am still amazed. You went first with everything. If it was upto me, I wouldn't have come out of my closure. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have you.

Breaking free.

Sometimes things just fall into place. Just like that. They're all fixed and sorted out and just done. Your life turns around and then it turns the other way around all over again. There comes a turning point where you're breaking all your rules and there's no sure reason to it. But sometimes the reason is a person. Probably that person, who unknowingly, is bringing you back to what you used to be. The whole process is so bitter-sweet because you're torn between getting hurt and feeling the love and closeness.

You just remember how to feel again. You feel more real. Just more human. Just alive. And that's something you thought you could never go back to because you would never be able to get too close to anyone. Because every time that you did, it left you broken. But things change and some things, they're meant to change and change again. Some things just bring you back to life. And that's scaring, literally frightening, yet relishing, amusing and where you're just in an awe to stand and stare at everything that is happening.

To grab hold of something so irreplaceable, someone so irreplaceable, as much nerve-wrecking because you’re constantly worried that they might slip away. What if it ends? What if it ends the same way like it always did? What if that person goes away? What is left? This will be the last time. Anyone who knows can tell. This will be the last time when you're breaking free.

Changes don't change back.

Changes don’t change back no matter what you do. No matter how “okay” you are with whatever has happened, no matter the number of times you’ve tried to convince people that it does not mean anything to you anymore. And no matter how many times you’ve told yourself you’re done with it but you’re not. You can not pass an order. Feelings and emotions and hurt don’t go away like that. You’re gonna want it back at some point, very soon or too after. You’re gonna want it so bad that it gets so much harder to even face it. You become so weak that it literally hurts when you think or hear or just come across about anything that happened and changed everything.

What’s done can not be undone. Once said, it can not be unsaid. Why not? The things that hurt the most are the things that can not be undone. Well, why not? Why can't we go back to how things used to be, how everything used to be. It could've been a blessing. You even learn to let go, but then at certain times and certain situations, it becomes something impossible for you to do or to stick with it.

How do we accept all these things that happen? Who can we blame? And for what part of the situation we cry about. Sometimes all you need is.... No, we all need different things in the same situation because all of us, we're different from each other. But we pray and know the same, changes don't change back. And all you can do is wish.

People.

People. The most interesting living beings. People have the most influence on me. They can inspire me to such an extend that i'm changed inside and out. People, for me hold the ability to change a life, whether it'd be as unimportant as mine. Every other promises to stay, but things build up to such a situation that they just leave, they leave me with their version of myself, which is so hard to deal with because they're not there anymore, they're far gone and they have someone that replaces me.

I have always been to change when a new person came along. And I have stopped doing that. I would be so much different than I am in so many ways because I would lose my opinions and thoughts that I never had. Because everything I believed in was owned by the last person that left me.  I've always let them turn me into themselves because I've always been alone and I've wanted a safe place to go to when everything else is wrong, when everything else is running out of hands. And I've always needed a hideout shelter I never had. I've always been alone. I've always needed a hideout shelter I never had.

No matter the number of rough experiences I've had with people, I've lost the intimacy at some level and I may lose the intimacy at all but I will never lose the interest of watching them from a distance and knowing their ways. How they tend to do one thing and turn out doing another People, indeed the most interesting living beings.