Someone More Than A Friend

You know what? Anyone can clearly tell that you like her, because you've been saying some things that just state the fact so. Not that you said "the words" but it really is all that clear, even to her. But is she ready now? Will she be ready, ever? Things have been tough on her lately, and you appeal to her more than anything right now. But she has gone through so much that she is literally scared to trust anyone at this point. Because everyone who said that they'll never break her heart, did. And it gets harder with every passing day. I'm not going to overstate about everything and how it all has been so hard on her. Things haven't been too easier for you either. But somehow you seem to have been moved on from all that in the past. So has she, or does she just comes off that way?

"I will never let you down." Well she has heard that one before. She was made to believe she was perfect, now every piece of her denies the definition of "perfect". You blame yourself, but its not your fault. You weren't even there when it all happened so stop blaming yourself that some part of you might have did wrong to her.  Such simple things can turn into major complications before you know it. A simple friends changes to someone more than just a friend. You learn to overlook the feeling, but it never really goes away. She's someone more than a friend to you, but you're just a friend to her. It never really turns out the way you hoped for it to. There's not enough reasons. There's only enough of a person that you can destroy until they're indignant and enough agonized not to feel anything else, not even pain.

I hope you find your way. And I hope she finds her way too, or will she?

Broken.

She knows everything about love and relationships that she needs to know: they don't last. She knows everything about relationships that she needs to know because you hurt her over again and again, and got her coming back for you every single time. Not because she didn't know, but because she chose to look over the details of a wreck you were turning her into. The more it went on, the deeper she went in, but you were always shallow. Why did you had to be this way? Wrong question. Right question would be, 'what the heck was she thinking when she said "I love you"?' How can one be so deeply in love that they overlook every single flaw, every lie? Is it possible to be that patient, and to think you'd change someday? You could never change. Feelings mean nothing to you. And one day, you'd get stabbed in the heart like you stabbed her and left her bleeding. She had given up for good; on relationships, on friends, on life. But everyone's saviour comes around sooner or later. Her's came around sooner. And she was healing from all the pain, the scars, the fear. She laughed more often, cried a lot less. She looked full of life, again. Just when she had gotten over you, you come back and took her by surprise. You just couldn't stand her being happy, could you? You had to, you just had to come back in her life again to cause the damage she just had recovered. But you got her coming back for you, again, like you always did. You made her go through even worse now, but she didn't overlook this time. She had her say, she had her choice. But you never stopped her as she walked away. You never did. She gave you everything, and she still hasn't got anything back. So much for loving you. 

Stay strong, be inspired!

I see you. I see you fighting against it all. I can't even imagine how hard it must be, how hard it could be for you to deal through it all, every single day for the last few years. You don't know that I know, but I hope you realize that you have something special about you. Something so amazing that simple words can not describe it, not the words that I know of. You're still so young, and you were even younger when all this started and I still can't imagine how you've been making it through. I couldn't even imagine to put myself in your shoes and be half as strong as you are, or be as hopeful as you are. You've got this thing in you, that just shines through you. Light the world as you go along, because you could inspire the ones around you. Because you can teach them to be strong. Because they can turn their lives around by looking up to you. Because you've inspired me, because you've taught me to be stronger than I ever could be, and do by my such tiny, little so-called problems.

You try so hard to keep yourself distracted, and you don't let it show. But I can see you hurting and I pretend along that there's nothing wrong, like you do. Your laugh seems to counterfeited. Its never easy when your life's ripped apart, is it? But you seem to be holding it all together well enough, not that it doesn't hurt. I bet it does, a lot. But you're strong. And you're going to get everything you deserve. Stay hopeful. Stay Strong. Stay yourself. Because there's nothing you could ever be better at than being yourself. You may not know that I know any of this, but I just couldn't imagine being you, I just couldn't imagine being strong enough.

Don’t you give up hope, its all that I pray for.

How do you feel?

It's a sad thing when you don't know how to feel. You just sit there, trying to figure out what is it that you really want. What is it that you're really missing out on? Even when you're busy, it's still there in the back of your mind; the feeling, it's just...there.

The worst time is when you're up really late, and alone, and you're wishing for something to distract you from this almost-agonizing feeling. There's never nothing on T.V., all your friends are asleep and you just sit there in your bed, thinking about nothing, and everything. Just thinking. You've never tried so hard to be busy, you've never tried so hard to sleep to keep you from thinking. It's like waiting on a miracle thats just about to happen. It never does. No miracle is gonna happen and take this feeling away that's soaking your blood. You feel weak, and you actually feel a hole inside you chest, a huge empty space right there inside of you. And then comes a time that you realize you've stopped living for yourself. You're life's not yours anymore. You feel lifeless, soulless. You dream, but now it's not for yourself anymore. The only thing you do for yourself is just thinking that would there ever be when you truly feel complete; when that empty space inside is is all filled up, or just gone.  And you just don't know when that is going to happen.